Did you know that around one person in every five on this planet suffers from loneliness?
The number of people reporting feelings of loneliness, isolation and depression are on the increase worldwide. How and why does this happen? And what can we do to prevent this trend?
It’s a feeling
Loneliness doesn’t just affect the lonely. Even people who may on the surface seem popular can suffer when alone. This is because loneliness is a feeling. It’s a chemical message that reminds us that a critical need is not being met.
There are a great number of reasons and theories on why people can suffer from loneliness:
- Shyness and social anxiety
- Emotional or physical abuse
- Loss or bereavement
- Victims of discrimination or prejudice
- Depression, isolation or paranoia
- Contempt or prejudice against people, society at large or even socialising itself
One of the reasons given for loneliness in otherwise crowded modern cities is that people are increasingly isolated from one another. People prefer staying in and passively stimulating their feelings with solo activities like watching TV, eating or surfing the net, rather than interacting with their fellow human beings.
Loneliness is a communication problem
Many lonely people typically suffer from both internal and external communication difficulties.
People who suffer from recurring loneliness may find that they seem to ask themselves the same questions over and over again, for example: Why am I alone? Why do I feel so lonely?
The answers usually appear as painful memories from the past, or self-deprecating statements, or even self-blame that aims to explain away or rationalise these unwanted feelings.
This ongoing internal dialog affects the lonely person, because there is no one else present to discuss, air or qualify these feeling-led responses and hence no outlet.
The second type of communication is that between the lonely person and the outside world. Lonely people tend to be introverted, and are easily tired by social interactions, often needing some “downtime” to recover from meeting people. Coupled with less experience in social skills, for many being and feeling lonely can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What skills can the lonely person build upon to improve their well being?
While we may not be able to stop all the issues that lead to feelings of loneliness, we still have control over the skills, behaviours and knowledge surrounding social interaction, and most importantly the ability to take postive action.
Typical advice given to lonely people is to “be more sociable, meet people, join a religion or group, be nicer to people etc.” but in my view, this advice is counter-intuitive.
There are underlying reasons for chronic loneliness that must be addressed before putting oneself in such situations. Especially if you are a vulnerable or sensitive person for whom’s throwing yourself in at the deep end could harm your view of interaction permanently.
In my experience, I believe that there are several practical skills that lonely people lack that if focused upon, could dramatically improve sociability, before they even step into a crowded room full of strangers.
These skills are:
- Self confidence – carefully developing a high self esteem and belief in oneself and ones abilities
- Confidence in social situations – self confidence that stays grounded when faced with complicated social interactions or challenging personalities
- A practical understanding of human psychology – learning about the different ways that people think and interact in the world
- The desire to interact – developing an overwhelming desire and curiousity to meet new people
- Tolerance and a non-judgemental attitude – to become more accepting of other people’s behaviours or attitudes, without compromising your own philosophy of living
- The skill of giving – a strong desire to give some part of yourself or your skills to others, without expecting anything in return
Through a consistent focus on each of these six issues and plenty of practice, I believe that the average lonely person can become a powerful social force to be reckoned with!
So what have we learned?
Here are the key points about how to combat loneliness:
- Internal communication must be re-framed and aired in order to break the patterns of loneliness that people imprison themselves within.
- It’s important to understand and accept that external communication and the desire to communicate are both practical skills and outlooks that can be learned.
- When we truly realise that all people are valuable in some way, our natural curiousity for people can be used as a neverending fuel to motivate ourselves to talk to others.
- By monitoring our natural behaviours or traits, we can identify moments where they prevent us from social success and find alternative ways to reach the same goal.
- We all can make gradual and consistent changes or improvements in our lives by taking small actions in each of these areas.
- Through this consistent effort, feelings of loneliness can be overcome in both ourselves and others.
This blog aims to explore, the topics of loneliness, social interaction and provide practical advice for growing the meaningful connections you have with your fellow human beings.
If you are fascinated by this topic as much as I am, I invite you to subscribe to my blog below and join me on this journey:
Mr. Loneli
If you have any questions about any of these topics, or simply want to get in touch please feel free to email me at:
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