People who have poor interpersonal communication don’t do well in social situations. Many will believe “that’s just the way I am” or “I’m just a quiet person”, resigning themselves to their perceived fate. However, like any skill, effective communication can both be taught and learned.
So why is it important to learn social skills in the first place and what is the best way?
The benefits of social skills
Good communicators tend to do much better in life socially than the rest, because they understand that communication is a two way process. Good communicators are also good listeners. When someone takes the time to listen to you, you are more likely to listen to that person, because they have shown that they value what you are saying, and hence validate you as a person.
As such, good communicators tend to achieve far more friendships and relationships than anyone else. They understand the balance of making people feel valuable and getting their personality and point across.
Good communicators will have had many conversations with a diverse range of people and will know the best approach to meeting people for the first time.
Through this experience, they cultivate a balance of speaking and listening, which results in better engagement with their group. Their experience also helps them to spot patterns in the people that they talk to and this gives them a better insight into how best to communicate.
Just like good communication can be learned however, poor communication can also be learned. In fact, by refusing to meet or talk to people on a regular basis, the skills of poor communication can also become perfected too!
The biggest reason why people fail to put themselves out in front of new people is that they fear embarrassment, and often its because they don’t have much faith in their ability to communicate. This lack of confidence in communication hinders their ability to contribute, and shapes their view of socialising in general.
How to quickly get better at socialising
The best way to get better at socialising is to take action and put yourself in a situation where you will fail at socialising. This is the only way to do it.
Regardless of how many books your read, or audio programs you hear, how many therapists you see or how many friends you seek advice from, it’s the only way. There is no magic bullet when it comes to improving personal communications, other than practicing.
If you are really finding it hard to come up with ideas for practicing this skill, why not take action and try some of the following activities?
You could try learning:
- Personal selling, or take on a sales job
- Acting
- Singing
- Dancing
- Public speaking
- Professional networking
- Debating
- Vocal training
All of these activities if chosen carefully and stuck with will dramatically enhance your ability to communicate.
Make no mistake however, you will fail at these tasks initially but the true benefit comes from understanding that you learn from those failures and constantly improve and adapt, until it becomes natural, much like learning to ride a bicycle or drive a car.
Taking communication further
We have learned the importance of good interpersonal communication. It is critical in feeling confident about socialising and gives us the greatest results in terms of making connections with people for the first time.
Here are a few points to remember:
- By respecting that communication itself is a behaviour that can be improved, we allow ourselves to improve. We also increase our ability to show respect to others by choosing to improve in this area.
- Immerse yourself in an unknown social situation and use people’s reactions to you to measure your communication skills. Also take note of good communicators and aim to make friends and connect.
- Meet with and be around good communicators on a regular basis and remember to ask them what they did to get good at it. Do what they do.
- Monitor which communications activities you find easy or challenging. Choose to concentrate on those areas that give you the most benefit.
This blog will feature many in-depth techniques for socialising, so don’t worry if you feel like you don’t yet have the tools to fully immerse yourself in a new interaction just yet.
This first step is more like dipping your toes into the water to get a feel for the ocean. We will cover the techniques that will help you swim, but you must first get used to the temperature of the water.
Now go forth and socialise!
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